Subliminal Wayfarer

“…Pardon? What do you mean by that, Milady?”

“It’s strange. I’m not sure anymore if escaping from Father and Norman through marriage is really the independence I wanted.”

She had always wanted to break free from Norman and their father.

She wanted to erase them from her life—those who constantly oppressed and insulted her—and live the life she desired.

And the life she desired wasn’t even anything grand.

Not having to ask for permission to go out.

Not having her freedom restricted according to someone else’s whims.

Not being restricted in the clothes she wanted to wear and the food she wanted to eat.

Not being forced to correct her thoughts through insults, coercion, or violence.

That was most of it.

If she married Lucas, most of that would be resolved.

She could dress and eat freely, and there would be no harassment or violence.

Yet, strangely, it didn’t feel like that was everything.

Julie hesitated, then carefully opened her mouth.

“Then, Milady, you mean…”

But before Julie could finish speaking, someone knocked on the door.

“Milady, it’s me. May I come in?”

Startled and tense, both Julie and Grace let out a sigh of relief at the familiar voice.

“Come in, Alia.”

 

* * *

 

“How have you been, Alia? You must have been exhausted since I last saw you.”

“Not at all, Milady. I’ve been well. And you? Was everything comfortable where you were? Julie made it sound like you’d never come back, but now you’ve truly left that place.”

Alia had come in carrying a tray with fragrant grain tea and some light snacks, then examined Grace’s face closely after such a long time.

Grace smiled brightly at Alia, as if to show that she had been doing well.

Seeing that smile, Alia also smiled back in relief.

“Since Lord Norman went to the temple, things have been relatively peaceful for us.”

“Oh, that’s right. Just after that incident, he went straight to the temple. I heard the Master has been desperately searching for the black horse,” Julie chimed in.

“Yes. But it completely disappeared. We still have no idea where it came from or why it appeared. Sometimes I wonder if I dreamt the whole thing. I’ve never seen a horse that big and strong in my life.”

Cough. Cough. A-hem. Ahem.

At Alia’s words, Grace couldn’t help but let out a cough.

Julie, who had also seen ‘Luki’ at the Blacke residence, gave a knowing smile and gently patted Grace on the back.

“Are you alright, Milady?”

“Oh, yes. I’m fine. Something just got caught in my throat.”

She didn’t know it at the time, but now she understood.

That horse was none other than Lucas Blacke.

He had transformed into a horse, charged at Norman, and then disappeared.

Whether to call it an audacious or reckless act, she wasn’t sure.

Still, he seemed to have restrained himself from causing any more harm… barely.

‘When you think about it, his personality is really something. Deciding on a wedding just a month away like that, too.’

Although she had said she wanted to push the wedding date closer, she had never imagined it could be moved up so much.

Lucas’s bold personality was both amusing and impressive…

‘He’s certainly not an ordinary man.’

Finally managing to calm herself, Grace smiled nonchalantly and continued the conversation.

“This is perfect timing, Alia. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“To me? About what, Milady?”

“Alia, come with me.”

Though she didn’t say where, everyone understood the meaning.

She was asking for all three of them to leave this mansion together.

It was as if she were fulfilling the promise Grace had made before, when she said the three of them would always stay together.

Alia paused for a moment, took a sip of the now-cold tea, and smiled softly.

Then she gave an answer that neither Grace nor Julie had expected.

“I’m sorry, Milady. I don’t think I can do that.”

“…What?”

“Pardon? Wait, what do you mean by that, Head Maid Alia? Did you just misspeak?”

Both Grace and Julie were shocked, their eyes wide open.

Only Alia remained calm.

Grace had to ask.

Among the three of them, Alia had always been the one who most wanted to leave this mansion.

She had been tied to this place by a terrible contract, signed when she accepted a large sum of money from the marquis to help a sick family member—a contract that would bind her here for two long decades.

Not only her own status, but the statuses of her younger siblings were also tied to that contract, and Alia, with her strong sense of responsibility, couldn’t act carelessly.

Knowing all this, Grace was even more perplexed.

“Why can’t you leave? Did Father coerce you into another underhanded contract…?”

“No, that’s not it, Milady.”

“Then why?”

“If you leave this place, Milady, you won’t need my help anymore. And if I leave, I won’t have to endure the grueling days of chopping firewood every week.”

After years of chopping firewood, Alia’s arms were strong and muscular.

Just by looking at her arms, it was clear how much firewood she had chopped, even without her saying a word.

Alia absentmindedly played with her teacup, her calloused hands moving gently as she spoke calmly.

“But there are still many young maids in this mansion. Inexperienced, clumsy, and naive girls. They’ll likely go through a lot of hardship, just like Julie and I did in the past.”

“Surely not…”

Grace’s lips parted as if to ask if that meant Alia intended to stay here.

Alia smiled quietly.

“Without me, those girls will almost certainly become another version of me. They might end up with a limp, get harassed, or be beaten until their calves are swollen just because they ‘ve been caught talking among themselves. But if I’m here, it’ll be different.”

“But the head maid can’t take care of everything!”

“I know. But having me here or not will make a huge difference to those girls.”

“…But, but!”

Julie, frustrated, repeated ‘but’ several times as tears welled up in her eyes.

Julie, who knew how much Alia despised this mansion and how Norman and Marquis Kafrenn had treated her, couldn’t comprehend Alia’s decision.

“Now that I’m the head maid, neither Lord Norman nor the Master mess with me easily. And there are only two years left on my contract. Can I stay and do what I can for those two years before joining you, Milady?”

Grace stared at Alia and asked again.

“Are you sure, Alia?”

“Yes, Milady.”

Alia nodded with a face full of resolve, without any hesitation or lingering regret.

“I’m sure.”

 

* * *

 

“Is the head maid really not coming with us?”

Just before leaving after tidying up Grace’s bed, Julie, still in shock, mumbled blankly.

As she brushed her hair, Grace thought of Alia from earlier and nodded.

“She’s not coming. It’s Alia’s choice.”

“I… I really don’t understand. I just can’t.”

“It’s okay if you don’t understand. Alia didn’t make that choice for other people to understand.”

Lucas had once said something similar to Grace.

Even if she did something he couldn’t understand, he’d still find her lovable.

He had told her that there was always a reason behind her choices and that he would respect those choices.

What Grace felt toward Alia now was something similar.

Alia had her own reasons for staying here. Even if it was hard for her to accept, Grace decided to respect Alia’s decision.

Because it was Alia’s own choice, and because she respected Alia for making that choice.

Once Julie had stepped out, leaving Grace alone, she tossed and turned before suddenly sitting up.

“Respect for choices…”

In that moment, the fog of frustration in Grace’s heart began to lift, and light poured in.

“Respect for choices.”

Yes, that was it.

She finally understood why she felt uneasy about gaining independence through ‘marriage’.

The freedom she desired was rooted in agency.

It had to be a path she chose for herself, a journey she walked by her own will.

Grace wanted to free herself from the shackles of House O’Ellin by her own strength and determination.

Before the unexpected events had disrupted her plans, Grace had been devising a strategy to escape this mansion on her own.

She had even laid the groundwork to some extent.

“…Originally, I was planning to quietly gather evidence and get myself expelled from House O’Ellin, wasn’t I?”

She had intended to threaten legal action if they refused to emancipate her.

But the situation had changed, and her heart had been stirred.

She had met someone she wanted to be with, and that man wanted her just as desperately.

The problem was…

That man’s status, power, and authority were overwhelmingly high.

Lucas could handle everything without her having to lift a finger.

It was a situation that could easily bring her comfort, but…

It wasn’t the life Grace wanted.

She had grown tired of living under someone else’s shadow, being swept along by their power and voice.

No matter how much she loved someone, she didn’t want to live like that anymore.

Even if it was harder and more exhausting, she wanted to stand on her own feet and walk her own path.

“…So what should I do now?”

Though she had uncovered the source of the fog clouding her heart, her dilemma was far from over.

She spent the rest of the night thinking and thinking.

And by the time she reached a conclusion, the sun had already risen.