Subliminal Wayfarer

* * *

 

“I-I-I knew it… this was the ri, ght choice.”

Dullan chuckled, his laughter dry and rasping.

“You know, I was worried. Judging by the fact that you’re aware of my involvement, it seems that my past self did something significant. I didn’t plan it, and I don’t know how to do it now.”

Even with both legs crushed, he seemed perversely delighted. Blood-tears dripped from his eyes, and his mouth leaked a mix of blood and bile, but nothing—not even Raymond’s torture—could stop his laughter. The more pain Raymond inflicted, the more convinced Dullan became. This moment would end, and it would all begin again.

“B-B-But judging from… the l-look on your face… it seems I succeeded.”

This joy.

 

 

Seeing your expression fills me with so much joy. Carynne has truly grasped eternity. My past self has achieved everything until now. Even if I die this instant, I’ll come back, and all this pain will vanish.

Sir Raymond, I won’t remember. And even now, there is nothing left to fear.

What joy this is!

 

* * *

 

Shwaaa—

The rain intensified. Carynne felt relieved that the rain was masking her face. She was surely crying. Maybe Raymond was too. Neither of them had the strength to console the other or tell them not to cry.

“You knew too, didn’t you?”

That’s why you kept repeating how meaningless everything was, even as you granted my wishes, staying by my side. You’d already concluded it was futile. Whether I became friends with Isella or not, whether I got pregnant or not… whether we lived or died, stayed together or apart… in the end, it’s always the same.

They pitied each other.

Both were so wretched, so miserable, unable even to comfort the other’s wounds. The pity swelled.

She had to think. She had to think. If she didn’t, she’d break. Now… think about what she could do…

Carynne opened her mouth.

“I don’t want Prince Lewis to die at Gueuze’s hands.”

“Carynne.”

“If we’re not going to die, if the end will be the same no matter what, wouldn’t it be fine to see Prince Lewis survive this time?”

“I just… don’t want to see you suffer.”

Carynne hit Raymond with her fist. Anger surged within her. Guttural sounds of frustration and despair rose from her throat.

“Doing nothing is worse! Having nothing left is worse! Sir Raymond! Even if I die, I want the world to keep moving! I want to leave something behind! I want time to flow! I want you to live! Don’t you understand that?”

This isn’t living. It’s just ghosts wandering the world.

“I want to be remembered for a life that meant something… I became friends with Isella. I ate meals with my father and talked about my mother. I suffered because Nancy conned me… If I have to start over and go through it all again, that’s… that’s just…”

Thump. Thump. She struck him several times. She shouldn’t be angry with Raymond. He was trapped in this hell because of her. She shouldn’t be mad that he hadn’t told her. He had stayed silent because he cared. Because there was no answer.

“Sir Raymond, you told me that you could love me because you don’t trust me.”

Carynne grabbed Raymond’s clothes tightly, glaring up at him.

“Then, since we won’t die, let’s see this through to the end. I wanted to be friends with Isella, and I succeeded. Now you should put Lewis on the throne. That’s what I want to see.”

Even if it’s a future we won’t witness. Even if it’s something that has nothing to do with us.

And yet, despite that.

“Carynne, for me, it’s always… enough just to have you.”

Raymond responded slowly, his voice hoarse.

“And if it’s what you want, I’ll do anything.”

Raymond’s expression was one of true peace.

It was as if he had been waiting for Carynne to push him forward.

 

 

Even when Carynne died, time continued to flow. The world went on. He met countless people. Among them were those who weighed on his mind, those who had died, and those who had been good to him. Some people remained particularly memorable.

Carynne was one of those. And so was Lewis.

The boy who had once looked at Raymond with eyes full of admiration was destined never to become king.

After living through a hundred lives, Lewis no longer mattered to Raymond’s goals. In Raymond’s first life, or his hundredth, Lewis had once been important—a bright part of Raymond’s youth, a bittersweet memory of a boy who tugged at his heartstrings.

If Raymond had truly been a young man, he wouldn’t have been able to let go of Lewis either. But after living through over a hundred lifetimes, during which Lewis never survived even once, Lewis had become little more than a shadow, a memory of someone already gone.

A wheel that turned beyond his control, like his older brother. That’s what Lewis had been to the Raymond who had recovered his memories.

But now, that no longer had to be the case.

Because Carynne had given him permission. Raymond could afford a bit of hypocrisy now.

 

* * *

 

And there was someone watching the two of them.

“…Interesting.”

Crown Prince Gueuze rested his chin on his hand, observing the scene below. He had never believed the child was his. There must have been someone else—some other man who was the father. But to think Carynne would so boldly bring him into the palace and embrace him like that.

A hollow laugh escaped his lips.

“What will you do, sir?” Baron Ein asked Gueuze.

Gueuze glanced over his collection. What would be the most fitting?

“Tomorrow, deliver this sword and this poison to Carynne Hare.”

“What should I tell her?”

“Tell her to kill Lewis the moment I give the order.”

“Will it succeed?”

“It doesn’t matter if it fails.”

Gueuze smirked, imagining Carynne’s face. If she succeeded, it would rid him of a troublesome obstacle. Lewis would die, and Carynne, having committed the crime, would be sent to the gallows. Everyone would find it believable if they said that his pregnant mistress had lost her mind and committed treason out of greed for the throne. When would be the right time? Gueuze began calculating the timing.

“Tell her this. If you don’t obey, I’ll send you the eyes and tongues of your family as a gift.”

“Understood, Your Highness.”

Baron Ain’s expression stiffened slightly as he tucked the items into his coat.

“Wait, there’s one more thing I need you to do.”

“Yes?”

Baron Ein stopped just as he was about to leave.

“Go to Lord Hare with my knights. You’re acquainted, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am, but…”

“Pluck out his eyes, cut out his tongue, and bring me his severed head.”

Whether Carynne succeeded or failed, I need to see her scream. Before she’s sent to the guillotine.

“Understood.”

Baron Ein bowed deeply.

“And you saw that too, didn’t you?”

Gueuze turned his gaze. Standing there was a pale-faced priest, motionless.

“Women are all the same. But if this goes well, I’ll let you have your turn with her.”

“…Yes.”

Dullan answered quietly.