Subliminal Wayfarer

Carynne had always dreamed of a world beyond the book after her repeated deaths. But she had never hesitated about the idea of leaving Raymond.

Her love for Raymond was just that shallow. Initially, she thought it was love, but as her life repeated, he became merely a means to escape the world of this book.

That shallow love hardened over a hundred years, making Carynne wish for Raymond to remember her, and this choice dragged him from a normal life into wandering the pages like her. And now, Carynne truly loved him. Yet, the answer remained elusive.

Just eating, drinking, and sleeping together in this mansion wouldn’t end their lives.

They would forever be people walking on paper, alone together.

What exactly is the true love that Dullan spoke of? If she couldn’t become pregnant, this loop would go on forever and ever.

Carynne was happy yet saddened that Raymond joined her in this life. He changed and made all these efforts solely to save her.

“…Because of me.”

Still, her death would repeat. Raymond would live another life, and they would meet again, all their memories intact. Unless they could find an answer from Dullan, this was inevitable.

Carynne knew she should tell Raymond this, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak.

Time passed amidst complex emotions. It was Raymond who broke the silence.

“Carynne, you don’t need to feel any remorse for me.”

Raymond looked at Carynne and smiled. It was a calm and confident smile.

But Carynne shook her head.

“No, I need to. I must apologize.”

Now she really had to tell him.

“There’s something I’ve been too scared to tell you.”

Carynne admitted that, while she had demanded Raymond to tell her everything, she herself had been too scared to speak up.

“I’ll start with what I’ve been thinking. I believe childbirth might be the answer to end this repetition. My mother also experienced this repetitive life. And she sought Dullan’s cooperation with my case. And…”

Carynne bit her lip. It was painful to talk about her past relationships to the man she had only just come to love.

Surely, those experiences were meaningless to her and were merely experiments that had to be done. But would Raymond think the same?

Though he had given her unconditional love, she wasn’t sure if it was going to be alright to reveal that she had been with many men.

She didn’t want to remind him that there had been other men. Even if he remembered, it was different coming from her own lips.

But at this time, her own shame seemed truly trivial.

“Until now, I… I’ve never been successful in getting pregnant with anyone. I might be barren. And…”

Despite trailing off, she finished her thought.

“I think Dullan made me barren.”

She was afraid to say it because it all but confirmed that Raymond’s efforts were in vain.

She didn’t want to admit it.

“…Carynne.”

As he stood up, she lowered her head.

He took her hand.

“I already know about your deaths while you were trying to kill Dullan. And I am aware of your past lives, too.”

“……”

“Moreover, I had some of my own guesses as well.”

“How?”

“Because you once told me that your mother also went through this. I considered the possibility of it being hereditary. And I’ve aged quite a bit since then too.”

“……”

“It’s alright.”

Raymond gave Carynne the words she wanted to hear. This made her feel even more miserable. Would his efforts ever be rewarded?

“…I see.”

Raymond gently lifted Carynne’s chin. Their eyes met. There seemed to be a flame in Raymond’s eyes. Carynne, slightly scared, backed away.

“That’s why I was afraid of being intimate with you.”

His directness was overwhelming. The intensity in Raymond’s eyes wasn’t anger.

Avoiding his steady gaze, Carynne asked.

“…Why?”

“Whether you truly can’t conceive, whether there’s absolutely no chance of pregnancy. I was worried that asking you to confirm it through intimacy would be unpleasant for you.”

Their lips brushed lightly. Carynne, wanting to hear more, gently pushed Raymond away, but this seemed to fuel him more. She felt breathless.

“If that’s the only issue, then there’s only one thing left for us to do.”

 

* * *

 

Having done it this much, shouldn’t she be pregnant by now?

Carynne lay on top of Raymond, thinking this. She had lost track of time. It seemed like a long while had passed.

Lately, Raymond clung to her as if he knew nothing else. Even during meals, they were in constant physical contact, moving almost together. He held her even while working or when she slept.

He quickly prepared their meals, then they spent all day together. There was nothing to distract them.

“…From a human perspective, hygienically speaking… can we just bathe separately?”

Carynne seriously requested this while pushing away Raymond… who clung to her even in the bathtub.

Raymond reluctantly moved away. The bathtub filled with bubbles was cramped for two.

Carynne was astonished, beyond admiration, at Raymond’s inexhaustible energy. They ate the same food, so why was there such a difference in stamina between them?

“Carynne, you really should eat more meat.”

“…Other than pheasant, rabbit, and bird, what else is there?”

“There’s beef and lamb.”

“Not the smoked ones.”

“Fresh meat, then… Should I catch the horse?”

Carynne thought of the beautiful white mare tied up in the stable and shook her head. The very thought made her lose her appetite.

She was truly fed up with meat. Raymond seemed eager to increase her stamina, but if that was the goal, it would be better to exercise outside. She had had enough of bloody meat.

“Speaking of clothes. The ones you bought with that design…”

“I’ll make sure to buy only what you want from now on.”

“Don’t cut me off. Anyway, thinking about it now, they seem suitable for pregnant women.”

Carynne thought of the dreadful-looking clothes. They were strange, but if considered as undergarments or loungewear, they weren’t so bad.

The skirts were short enough for good ventilation, and the lining was soft. They weren’t designed for tightening corsets. The belly area was spacious, and without decorations, it was easy to move in.

In many ways, the clothes suited a woman with a growing belly. Maybe Raymond bought them while hoping she would get pregnant this time.

“But I still don’t like the design.”

“You find it so because you’re still young.”

“Hah…”

Carynne was baffled by such an ill-fitting comment. Then she playfully splashed soap suds on Raymond.

“Ack— My eyes.”

“Serves you right for saying that.”

“Better than being too old, right? This…”

Carynne used a towel nearby to wipe around Raymond’s eyes. It was annoying to be the one causing the mess and then cleaning it up.

“Carynne, let’s just bathe…”

Raymond made a stifled groan. Their naked bodies were close together. Carynne quickly pulled away, feeling the prominent object pressing against her from below.

“Not here, please.”

“…This is torture.”

Raymond frowned as he pushed his hair back.

“If I do get pregnant, I guess I could wear those clothes. But they’re too radical to wear outside.”

“Understood.”

Raymond sighed.

While other matters seemed more pressing, he still kept his promise to Carynne.