And because he blindly believed in repetition and immortality, no threat or torture worked on him. It was frustrating, and she didn’t even want to see him. Torture would do nothing and would just tire her out. After five consecutive failures, she had to think of a different approach.
“Am I barren?”
“Pardon?”
Ah, that was too sudden.
Carynne spoke to Nancy again.
“Do you think Dullan made me barren? Did Mother have something to do with that?”
“I… don’t really know…”
Not much help there.
“It’s sad to think that way—”
“I’m the one who wants to cry, so don’t even start.”
“Oh my, my.”
Had Dullan made Carynne completely barren?
She had been with Raymond for months, yet no pregnancy. She had eaten only the meals Raymond prepared during that time. She suspected Dullan had tampered with her food to force contraception. But having spent that much time with Raymond at the Tes Manor, she thought she should have conceived.
Perhaps what Dullan did to her body was further back than she thought.
Carynne twirled her hair.
If Dullan had indeed made her completely barren, then there was no solution. Carynne and Raymond were trapped in this perpetual time loop.
Neither of them wanted that. It wasn’t that they were desperate to die right away, but being only the two of them was not enough. They wanted to live in the world together, not be forever suspended in a world of their own.
But really.
How did Raymond manage to remember her?
Carynne lay down, swinging her legs and resting her chin on her hands.
There were much too many mysteries.
“For starters, I’m not getting engaged to Dullan.”
“Oh my, really? Wouldn’t it be better to get engaged first, even if you plan to break it off later? The invitations have already been sent out.”
“Send out notices postponing it. I’m not getting engaged to that guy.”
“Um…”
Nancy looked troubled, not knowing what to do. Carynne realized that Nancy was just a maid, and she ultimately wouldn’t be able to convey Carynne’s decision to break off the engagement.
So, she got up from the bed.
She had to speak directly to the fief lord to settle this.
* * *
“Dad!”
Carynne burst open the door and deliberately shouted. It was a childish way to seize the initiative. The fief lord, sitting in his study, looked up, his expression awkward as he watched Carynne stride in.
“…Uh, yes, Carynne. It’s been a while.”
“Why has it been a while? We live in the same house.”
“…Milord, the Miss… she—”
Nancy tried to speak to the lord with a hesitant glance. Carynne looked at Nancy and put her finger to her lips. Shh, just stay quiet.
“I remember now.”
“…I see.”
As the fief lord signaled the attendants behind her, Carynne raised her hand and spoke out. Absolutely not. If she lost her memory again, everything she had accumulated would vanish. That was unacceptable.
“I’m fine now. My mind is very clear and stable.”
“……”
“……”
People watched. Carynne smiled broadly and spoke again.
“I’m serious. I’m really fine.”
It took a while to convince the fief lord.
* * *
“First of all, I’m not getting engaged to Dullan.”
The fief lord shook his head.
“Dullan isn’t a bad choice. Your mother and I chose him after careful consideration. And with his age and family connections, he’s likely to be my successor. Marrying him is the most suitable option. Besides, he took care of you since you were young, and you don’t know how actively he supported Catherine’s plans.”
He knows too much, and that’s the problem. That’s why he fed me tranquilizers and contraceptives. Maybe he even made me barren. Once, he even tried to drop me from a tower.
Carynne felt a headache coming on just thinking about all that. Should she just kill that guy one more time?
“He promised to willingly break off the engagement if you said you loved someone else. Such understanding is rare in a young man.”
Understanding?
Carynne struggled to stay calm. Losing her temper here would be the end of her. Men ready to subdue her lurked behind, and Nancy, who would ultimately obey the fief lord, stood beside her.
Calm down.
Not getting engaged to Dullan is more important.
She hated even the thought of seeing that asshole’s face.
“Well, tough luck.”
Carynne responded with determination.
* * *
The fief lord was at a loss. Carynne’s demand was, in a way, reasonable. But he and his wife had long-planned something else. Catherine liked Dullan because she believed he trusted her, but the fief lord had more pragmatic reasons to favor him.
Dullan was the next in line to be the lord of this domain. It was a natural succession by law. Since the fief lord had no other children besides Carynne, the position would naturally go to Dullan, a close male relative. While Carynne’s husband would have some rights, the lordship was always meant for Dullan. The fief lord doubted whether Carynne could marry any other ‘normal’ man.
‘She’s my daughter, but… isn’t she sick?’
Carynne was beautiful, but at the same time, she was prone to crying fits, seizures, and memory loss. She also relied heavily on medication. That’s why the fief lord preferred Carynne marrying Dullan, who knew all about her situation and could take care of his daughter.
Most daughters in Carynne’s position married the next lord to remain in the house. For future lords like Dullan, such marriages solidified their position. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement.
But Catherine had wanted Carynne to find true love.
“Will you grant my request?”
“Of course.”
Catherine had no reason to choose him, the fief lord thought.
If it wasn’t for love, there was no reason at all. She had many prestigious suitors. A king’s consort was always better than a peasant’s wife—this was a universally agreed truth.
“Father. If you respect Mother, and if you respect me, please postpone the engagement.”
Carynne was adamant. The fief lord sighed deeply when his daughter brought up Catherine. She was right. As much as it made sense for Carynne to be engaged to Dullan, his priority was Catherine’s request. Carynne’s true love.
“I won’t force the engagement.”
The fief lord replied. Even in Carynne’s eyes, she could see that her father also seemed reluctant about Dullan. He was a useful relative but not the ideal son-in-law.
“Please cancel my coming-of-age celebration too.”
“Is that necessary? It’s an important event marking your adulthood. Many important relatives will be there. And…”
Carynne shook her head.
There was no one important coming to her birthday. She knew that from repeating it so many times. The relatives who came were just related to her father, critiquing her appearance and gossiping about her being with Dullan. They were of no help to her, merely important to her father. They weren’t people who would be beneficial to her in the long run. Carynne didn’t want to spend time with such people this time.
“I don’t want to. Father, you might not believe me, but,”
“I believe everything. I believe all your mother’s words.”
The lord hastily said. Carynne smiled inwardly.
“So you’re saying that you really believe everything that I say?”
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